"The field of consciousness is tiny. It accepts only one problem at a time." (and mine is lupus)

Well, that was a successful Lupus Awareness Month! Thank you to all who read my blog posts, reposted my FB wall posts and just gave a damn. To you, I salute you!


Now, onto another rant (and I've gone out, over and beyond to tie it back to lupus! A+ to me for trying to maintain this themed blog)...


I'm a pretty picky person. I've realized this more and more over the years. I've learned this through my food tastes, friendships, jobs and any other situation that makes my blood pressure go up past 120/80. Before being diagnosed with lupus and any other stress related ailment, I tended to constantly stress without any sort of counteraction. I am affected a lot (as I've previously mentioned). I was always very particular about my friendships. I always (to this very day) had a hard time not caring about my "friends." I'm the kind of person who invests a lot in the people that I do care about. If I reach out to a person, that means I care and want to potentially harbor a better friendship. Once that connection is made, I kind of have expectations. Maybe that's where I go wrong.


Long story short (I'm trying not to bore you with the bullshit), I'm cleansing pointless people from my life. It is very true that those you surround yourself with affect the person that you are. I don't give out title of "best friend" easily. Those kinds of people who do, I don't want to be friends with. I know, harsh. But that's just how it has to be. I'm not going to be your "bestie" when it's convenient for you. A friendship, like any relationship, is something that you mold and grow. kind of like a ficus. but cuter. and with a better sense of style and money management (one would hope).


A very well spoken blogger named Ryan O'Connell said it right when he said:
[Getting your SH*T together results in] "attract[ing] better friendships. F.Y.I. your party friends probably don’t give a shit about you. Have you ever seen them in the daylight? They’re not the people you call when stuff gets real anyway. They’re the people you call when you want to avoid everything that’s real. You want to have a fake time? Call your fake friends."


I couldn't have said it better myself. If I did, I'm sure I'd be a paid blogger like him.


And with that, I'm cleansing myself of my "fake friends." Please go. Move to out of the country. Go back home. Go deal with the people in your life that are using you because karma really is a raging bitch. I am NOT a commodity and I will NOT be treated as one.


No, this isn't a threat. This isn't a cry for help either. It's just a realization that I have chosen to put down on [web] paper, 


The Lupus Foundation of America also cites that:
"Lupus can restrict friendships. Do they really understand what I am going through? Do not be afraid to talking with some of the people who are closest to you about your lupus and the challenges it presents. Provide them with information so that they better understand this disease called lupus. The better they understand lupus, the less fearful they will be and the more likely that you will have a relationship of trust and cooperation."


This is very important and it is safe to say that I only have a handful of close friends that have taken the extra initiative (some with the help of my whiny blog post haha). But hey, I have a voice and it needs to be heard! Anything and everything helps.


I leave you with this: I will not let this illness bring me down. I will ALSO not let petty people with their shit all out of wack affect me. I do not have self esteem issues where I need to keep people around that I don't like. If i have a problem with someone, I tell them. Sure, it may take me a while, because I like to be diplomatic, but I always do. Or if I don't, I certainly don't reach out to them and fake it the whole time. I am not so pathetic that I keep someone around just to talk shit about them and giggle. I have more important things to do and worry about. If I want to giggle I just go here. or here. or even here. 


Stress will not get the best of me and my lupus.