MoonFace

2/12/10

(***Disclaimer*** I started my actual blog posts in a word document, so at the top of post is the ACTUAL date I wrote the entry. Until I catch up with myself, my entries will be like that. I apologize if that is confusing. I just found myself without internet many of the times I needed to update and vent a bit.)

-->

I try really hard not to be a pessimist. At least, I like to believe I do. In front of those who I think I can be vulnerable with, I’m not as much. In front of strangers, my doctors and acquaintances, I want to appear strong, positive and enduring. It feels good to hear people say, “Man, you are positive even with all this crap happening to you!” My response: “At least I have all my limbs, my brain and the will to continue. Things could be worse.” And that last statement IS true. Things COULD be worse. I could have no money, no support, no family, no home to live in, no education, no sustainable health, nothing. I have friends, family, education, a home, food, the will and health to wake me up every morning (or afternoon for those long nights).

Why does it feel like the God or whoever is playing some joke on me by giving me one good day followed by several terrible days? It really IS one day on, one day off.

Yesterday, I felt significantly better after the evening before terribly body aches, chills, swollen glands in my back, neck and throat, and unbearable fatigue. I was up on time for class, laughed, dressed up (for ONCE…rare occasion might I add), and, all-in-all, felt great. I came home, joked around with my roommates and boyfriend, planned Valentine’s Day, and went to bed. This morning I wake up with my face the size of Jupiter and (while it is STILL cold outside) I look like a chipmunk packing nuts for winter.

It’s MOON FACE.

I knew that once I would be put back on prednisone (while it IS like a magic pill…works almost instantly) I would get all the annoying side effects:

1. Changes in appearance
• acne
• development of a round or moon-shaped face
• weight gain due to increased appetite
• a redistribution of fat, leading to a swollen face and abdomen, but thin arms and legs
• the skin becoming more fragile, which leads to easy bruising.
2. Psychological problems
• irritability
• agitation
• euphoria or depression
• insomnia.
3. An increase in susceptibility to infections may occur with high doses of steroids.

I’ve been on 20 mg for the last two weeks and have been tapered down to 15mg. I’m supposed to go to a low dose of 10 mg by the time I see my doctors next which will be in about 3 weeks. I know that these side effects are temporary, but (not to sound shallow) I hate having to explain to people why my face all of a sudden looks “fat” and in a world where appearance is everything (sadly) I look like a zoo animal.

I have work tonight and I’m working the box office, which means I will be face to face with a ton of people and they will be the ungodly sight that is my rotund face. In the grand scheme of things, I know this isn’t the worst thing in the world. It just royally SUCKS.

If anyone out there feels my pain, feel free to vent, dude. Being a lady and having to deal with the conformist ideals and media implications of what is beautiful and acceptable WHILE dealing with an affliction that seesaws with your appearance is hard. In this instant and impatient generation, it also doesn’t help that most of us search for quick fixes to amend the problems. I am guilty of this. I literally just went to CVS and bought Over the counter diuretics, a 6 pack of Smartwater (yes, I fall victim to the advertising of electrolyte distilled water vs. natural spring water) and 3 “energy” vitamin waters. I will also go to the grocery store soon and buy pineapple and watermelon, as they both have natural diuretic properties that may help my large face problem. (FYI: Pineapple is also great for inflammation. It’s great for people with lupus. Period.) If I could I would just rub pineapple and watermelon all over my body in hopes that it will help.

So the final verdict for the day: Stay in bed, try not to be seen by anyone, drink lots of water like an elephant, and hope that by 7:30pm tonight I will look like my normal self, not this: