UNUSUAL TIREDNESS

Labetalol makes me waste my days.

I knew it was a medication that I loathed because it made me all tingly and blurred my vision, not to mention it upset my stomach. But I went back to a drug side effect website on labetalol and read that one of the common side effects is unusual tiredness. I swear I thought that was just laziness or my anemia. Nope. It's my damn labetalol. The reason I know it's the drug for sure is because there have been days that I don't take it (shh! don't tell) and I don't spend 75% of my day in bed.

In other news, being unemployed sucks. I have very little to fill my days with. I mean, I could pick up some hobbies, read a book, exercise more, enjoy the freedom...but I like the feeling of having responsibility and a schedule. I become restless and depressed with nothing to do. Plus it leaves me with a lot of time to think and over analyze.

A comment my aunt made a while back has come to mind quite a few times in the last couple of days. It's nothing crazy and it was nothing offensive...we were just talking about my illness and the drastic weight gain/loss and what it did to my skin and body (the stretch marks). She says something along the lines of, "Oh no, now you are going to be self conscious about being intimate with someone or being seen naked by your husband." She was damn right (not that I have a husband lined up or anything). But it does put a strain on my already self conscious self. It also really bothers me how some people disregard my feelings about exposing my legs or how i look in pictures and go posting them. They don't understand what it's like to wake up every morning and not feel like you are in your own skin. They don't understand what it's like to constantly think, "Oh lord, they are hugging me or touching my side or leg or whatever...can they feel the stretched skin? can they feel the crevices?" I feel like my body looks worn and run down. It doesn't help that I'm ridiculously clumsy and bruise easy as well. On top of stretch marks basically on about 50% of my body, I have bruises all over my legs and arms and shingle scars on my back. SEXY.

I'm not trying to throw a pity party...this just sucks. I just want to look like my normal self again. That will never happen. I guess I must learn to embrace my plethora of physical flaws.
and not sleep so much.
and get a job.