Literally spent 3 hours thinking of a title...this is what I came up with

(photo property of DaVita, Inc.)

I've been here for over a week and very little has changed. Every day I seem to get mediocre news about my condition, which in turn becomes mediocre news about the plans I've made for the remainder of the semester and the beginning of "real life."


It really stresses me out that I only have about 2 months left of school. That is really scary. I was supposed to take the GRE last Tuesday in an effort to apply to a graduate school program here in Boston. That didn't happen. I wonder what will happen to my classes, especially my PR Lab class. I hate feeling so left behind and helpless about it.


I better graduate by May 16th.


As far as my health goes...

My renal biopsy preliminary results are back. It looks like lupus isn't cutting me any breaks and I have chronic stage IV kidney disease (same diagnosis from three years ago). What's scary about that is that, if not controlled dialysis or kidney replacement is in order. Things are really that bad. What's even scarier is I don't feel pain. Sure, now I'm starting to show symptoms (water retention in more than just my face, soreness around my kidneys and abdomen, and everything tastes like metallic), but it isn't particularly painful. The constant bad news sucks. That makes me cry, but not anything physical. I think this would be easier to understand if I felt a little more pain. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about missing work, school and all my responsibilities because I feel like I CAN complete things while I'm here or try not to be that weak link. I hate feeling like that is what I am.


The three teams working on my case (as busy as they are) don't communicate very well with one another. It becomes frustrating because I keep getting mixed messages and still have no idea when I'm getting out of here. All I do know is that I start cytoxan again on Monday. After chemo, I may be back in the hospital. 


Who knows.