And so it begins...

2/10/10

I’ve always liked venting. Ever since I was in middle school I had a diary/journal of some sort online. I went from Diaryland to Livejournal to Blogger. I get really lazy about updating so it’s a good thing that I have an incentive to keep this one going (a grade haha!).

As far as the motivation to write THIS particular blog, the story is quite funny/unfortunate. I’ve had systemic lupus for about 6 years now, but the real zinger came around 2007: kidney disease. I’ve dealt with a lot of treatments, chemotherapy, diet restrictions, life restrictions—it’s been tough. I still try and keep active and involved because I am NOT the kind of person to sit around and let life happen for me. I’ll let you read more about the specifics in my bio…

Well, the unfortunate day that truly inspired me to write THIS blog was a Tuesday morning. I woke up feeling terrible, then realized that I woke up at 9am and had a 9:30 class. I didn't want to miss more class than I already had because of doctors’ appointments, being ill, etc. I literally rolled out of bed, put on a hoodie and my only pair of clean pants (which happened to be brand new), and run to Harvard Ave and Commonwealth to try and catch a cab. I hopped in the cab and ask to jet to class. I pay the cab and fall out (literally). I gather myself and try to walk briskly into Boston University's College of Communication (COM) building. For anyone who knows me, walking “briskly” generally ends in me falling and breaking the fall with my face, which ultimately happened. I fell flat on the pavement, ripped my new pants, scarred my knee, and walked into class 5 minutes late, shaking. I sat in class listening as intently as I could, but thought to myself, “Man, this really sucks. I really don’t like being sick. Lupus sucks.” I knew people without lupus fall down every day. I also knew it wasn’t the lupus that MADE me fall. It just put things into perspective. To the majority, I fell because I was clumsy. While I absolutely AM clumsy, the ultimate result of my fall was due to something greater. I would have (probably) never fallen if I didn't feel sick and have fatigue, which resulted in me waking up late. 

No one really knows my real story, the full extent. No one really knows what I go through on a day to day basis. Lupus is exhausting and as an active college student even more so. I don’t like to let lupus define me or handicap me. While it is a part of my life, I will never allow it to defeat me. 

I also don’t want to turn this blog into a whiny, bitching venue for everyone to think “man, this chick complains a lot.” I hope to be the voice of those who feel the same way and may have a hard time expressing the stresses and downsides that come with having an autoimmune illness that throws curve balls left and right. I want to be relateable. I also warn that I will be explicit and not sugar coat the truths of having this pain in the ass "bug." I do have good days. There are a TON of things I love. Sometimes it is just hard to look past the disease that feels like a disability, especially in the relationships that I have and am trying to form. 

This blog will be used to express my thoughts, questions and concerns about being a 20-something college student who loves life, theatre, good food, and Riesling a little too much, while battling the lifelong condition of Systemic Lupus Nephritis.

This may be weird, but the more I think about it and research and read, it excites me to be able to share all this information with the world (or the 2 readers that I have…thank you). I read articles and blogs and other miscellaneous information about Lupus and I hear myself saying, “YES! YES! YES! That’s how I feel! That’s what I’ve been through! THANK YOU!” It’s not a fun illness to have, but it sure is inspiring to see the immense support that exists outside of my little bubble. There are a TON of people who are affected and have stories and relate to the same things I've been through. That makes me feel like I’m not really alone. It really is a great feeling. Every case is different, every case is unique and no case is worse than another. Everyone’s story is valid and, to them, it is one of the hardest things to go through.

I also want this blog to be a resource for anyone who goes through the wide variety of lupus roller coaster rides. Through my experiences, I hope readers will learn what to do/what not to do, as well as knowing that they aren't alone in the journey to remission.