Scream Therapy works for me
The last few days I've been stressed. I've been lonely and stressed and felt like I'm handling all of this on my own.
The thought of how much this is all going to cost, the time off of work, how this will affect my life with Zach and my cats is enough to make anyone go mad.
I've shed a lot of tears recently. Tears of fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, regret. This is all just so much for me to handle, especially since I've handled most of all of this on my own since the start. I need to be better at accepting people's gratitude and help. Realizing that people are good and they do care, all the while having their own lives. I need to be better at letting go of my pride and asking for help. I am in no position to say no to a kind heart or a helping hand. I am lucky enough to have one extended to me. I am lucky enough to have parents that are willing to be living donors and are getting their work ups done.
I need to cut out my sad mumbo jumbo. I have had wishy washy friends, but that's okay. That's just what they are. I need to focus on the people who are here, who are caring for me, who do ask how I'm doing. They do exist. I don't want my last two posts to sound like they don't. The only thing is that they don't exist in large quantities. But like they say, it's not quantity, it's quality.
I got my sadness and anger out of my system the last few days. I won't lie, I needed it. I needed to bitch, moan, curse, yell, cry, resent, and be angry. I needed to be all those things, so I can find my own equilibrium. It's my own way of reinvigorating myself. I don't take back the way I felt, because it was honest and true. I just needed to get that out to get a new perspective. I'm allowed to feel this way while I'm going through something so huge and life changing.
But for now, my quota has been met. I need to start making moves to make this journey a smooth one.
The thought of how much this is all going to cost, the time off of work, how this will affect my life with Zach and my cats is enough to make anyone go mad.
I've shed a lot of tears recently. Tears of fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, regret. This is all just so much for me to handle, especially since I've handled most of all of this on my own since the start. I need to be better at accepting people's gratitude and help. Realizing that people are good and they do care, all the while having their own lives. I need to be better at letting go of my pride and asking for help. I am in no position to say no to a kind heart or a helping hand. I am lucky enough to have one extended to me. I am lucky enough to have parents that are willing to be living donors and are getting their work ups done.
I need to cut out my sad mumbo jumbo. I have had wishy washy friends, but that's okay. That's just what they are. I need to focus on the people who are here, who are caring for me, who do ask how I'm doing. They do exist. I don't want my last two posts to sound like they don't. The only thing is that they don't exist in large quantities. But like they say, it's not quantity, it's quality.
I got my sadness and anger out of my system the last few days. I won't lie, I needed it. I needed to bitch, moan, curse, yell, cry, resent, and be angry. I needed to be all those things, so I can find my own equilibrium. It's my own way of reinvigorating myself. I don't take back the way I felt, because it was honest and true. I just needed to get that out to get a new perspective. I'm allowed to feel this way while I'm going through something so huge and life changing.
But for now, my quota has been met. I need to start making moves to make this journey a smooth one.
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